High Tech Halacha

Q 1: Does the Takanah of not reading other people's mail apply in a situation where people are viewing emails on public computers and others are constantly walking by?  

 

A: Yes, except when viewing on a computer you get an e-sin.

 

Q 2: This is the situation in my yeshiva's computer room, where there are a bunch of computers and people are constantly around during the times they are on, and it's almost guaranteed that someone sitting next to you or near you or just passing by will see what you're looking at.  Can one assume that there is mechilah in this type of situation?

 

A:  Another grammatical masterpiece of a question. And again, what the hell are computers, or as I like to call them, Satan’s electonica, doing in a yeshiva? Regardless, keep your fucking eyes away from your friend’s porn. What a ridiculous notion. How stupidly, and self-righteously arrogant. Seriously, one can never assume mechilah.

 

Q 3: Is it comparable to the case of finding mail in the trash, where it's assumed that the owner doesn't care if it's read?

 

A:  Why is this asshole rummaging through other people’s trash? Don’t assume anything. If it’s on his screen it has not been deleted and is therefore not trash.

 

Q 4: And even if it's mutar, would there be a midas chasidus to avoid looking?

 

A:  Question is moot. There’s no chasidus in avoiding other people’s business. It’s called common decency. Or if you prefer, derech eretz. Assholes.

University of Dumbass

Q: In the college I attend there are certain labs that take place as part of a class. In this school there are very few Jews and I happened to find another Jew who happens to be a girl and I was wondering if I am in this lab class with this girl, is it better to have her as a partner and limit my interaction with goyim or to be with a male goy and not have to worry about yichud issues or other boy-girl issues?

 

A:  If that weren’t so poorly written I would have thought you made it up in order to make me laugh.

 

Okay, here's my answer: It is a trick question. What is he doing in college to begin with? Assur!

 

Given his collegiate transgression he might as well fuck a girl goy.  All hope is lost for this poor soul.

 

I would imagine the rabbi told him to avoid the girl as yichud violates a rabbinic ordinance. Working or studying with a slovenly gentile is just a bad idea but doesn't violate any Taliban, I mean rabbinic law.

Introduction

My lawyer recommends the following edits:

Yeshivat Blankety Blank is a Beit Midrash program for students from the United States and other Anglo-Saxon countries who wish to spend a year or more of intensive study in Israel. It is located on Moshav Blankety Blank, a religious cooperative settlement situated in the Judean hills, some 9 miles from Jerusalem off the Jerusalem-Tel Aviv highway. The moshav is adjacent to a nature reserve, in an extremely scenic locale, which enjoys a panoramic view of the coastal plain and foothills, stretching all the way to the Mediterranean.

Yeshivat Blankety Blank is unaffiliated politically or philosophically with any political parties or formal religious movements. Its goal is to emphasize the primacy of high level Torah study and love of Klal Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael.

That is, at least according to their website.

B.B, as the kids like to call it, is representative of many yeshivas in Israel aimed at spoiled American teens. It is a “for profit” institution that aims to brainwash children into uncritical religious observance.  While you will never find it on their website, many rabbis at the yeshiva encourage students to shun college, ignore the well-intentioned direction of their parents, and embrace a mindless, unquestioning, observance of extreme Judaism.  An ideal student will “graduate” to kollel, move to Israel, avoid army service, leach off the welfare of the government and global Jewish charities, marry an equally unsophisticated woman, have babies, and repeat.

They are wildly successful.

Why do American Jewish teenage boys, reared on a delicate balance of torah observance and secular education embrace such a previously unattractive lifestyle? After 18 years of indulging in the hedonistic spoils of capitalism and the cynical observance of Sabbath and kashrus (the extent of typical modern Orthodox teenage observance) these boys are faced with a very difficult reality.

Post high school modern orthodox boys find themselves with the unenviable task of replicating what their fathers have done for them. They must receive a higher education so that they may receive a well-paying job, so that they may pay for the extradonairily expensive lifestyle on which they’ve grown up.  All that must be done while remaining torah observant . It’s not a simple thing to do. Sabbath observance complicates career success. Keeping a kosher diet makes for awkward business situations.

 

Faced with this tightrope of challenges many jump to either side. More and more reject observance so that they can continue to enjoy American life. Indeed, by rejecting religion, they can enjoy it even more.

Others are more frightened of the hard work and responsibility that comes along with being a productive member of society. They embrace the slacker lifestyle yeshivas like Blankety Blank offer. Their newfound religious observance serves as an intoxicating rationalization for the rejection of everything their parents have invested in them.

The born again yeshiva student is unquestioning of his lifestyle but he has many questions. Now that I wear a black hat what is the proper way to wipe my ass? Now that I wear white shirts how must I clean them? Now that I am better than my parents how do I properly observe shabbos?

These burning questions need answers. Blankety Blank has them. Just email them to one of the rabbis and they will respond with your marching orders.

But I too have answers. They may not be the right answers but they are certainly better answers. What gives me the authority?

I am a Blankety Blank alumnus and I am a survivor.

I was reared on the values of a Puritan work ethic and faith in God.  I have struggled with the tightrope. I have been tempted to jump to both sides. But I have, at least in my own mind, found the balance. And I am virtually alone.

Until now. My dear reader, you are about to embark on a journey. My darkly cynical, contemptuous mocking is not only scornful, it is downright sinful.